Ah, Damn It. Hobbit 3 Is Official

Yes, indeed, that terrible rumor we heard last week has come true, as Peter Jackson decided that “Hey, two movies of The Hobbit just isn’t enough of The Hobbit.” He has a long letter trying to justify the decision, but the real selling point is this: “We know how much of the story of Bilbo Baggins, the Wizard Gandalf, the Dwarves of Erebor, the rise of the Necromancer, and the Battle of Dol Guldur will remain untold if we do not take this chance.” Okay, why the hell didn’t you tell that story to start with? You were able to tell the story of Lord of the Rings in three movies, but you can’t tell The Hobbit in two? What happened? Obviously a lot was cut from Lord of the Rings, but we still got the story. That’s how adaptations work. Did you get conked over the head since then, and suddenly forget how to adapt a book? Or did you get so many death threats for cutting Tom Bombadil from the Fellowship of the Ring that you’re now afraid to cut any moment from the book?

That last bit almost sounds reasonable. But it’s not a long book. Probably not long enough to fill two movies. So you started jamming other things in there. And making changes, and adding things, and moving things, and before you knew if, you were overflowing. But you could have just removed the extra stuff. You didn’t need a third movie of more crap. Also, he didn’t really discuss how this is happening. Is the movie released in December being edited? Or are we going with that terrible “stretching the remaining half over two movies” idea. Like when you use too much jelly on one half of your toast, so the other side is dry and unpleasant. No one wants your dry toast movie.