I have tried to watch Ninjago several times. I find it grating and nearly unbearable. It’s mostly the speaking. Luckily, someone has taken that out and just had two lego ninja fight each other. That’s much better.
Archive for Toys
We all knew damn well the moment they announced Dragon’s Crown statues that they weren’t going to be happy until they’d rendered the Sorceress’s ridiculous proportions in three dimensions. And that day has come. Here’s what that looks like. It’s about as terrifying as you’d expect. And that’s even before you notice the skeleton, which doesn’t seem to serve any real purpose, until you realize he’s probably just keeping her upright, and countering the balancing issues that certainly plague her every moment.
You can pre-order the statue here, assuming, you know, that you’re not afraid that just clicking that link will put you on some sort of unfortunate watch list.
I think the rest of my posts today are going to be game trailer related, so I’d thought I’d give you something else first: Lightsabers! Les Mis! Both together at last. Not that either need help making each other awesome, but both together is great. It’s like the first guy that made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the first time. People knew they were great on their own, but BAM! Better sandwich. I guesss what I’m trying to say is that Lightsaber Les Miserables is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Despite the fantastic failure that was LEGO Universe, Funcom has decided that they are going to find a way to make people play with LEGO online, damn it. To that effect, LEGO Minifigures Online, a game that improves on LEGO Universe by… looking pretty much exactly the same. Brilliant. Once again you play a little minifig as you run around, blow stuff up, build stuff out of the wreckage of that stuff, then blow that new stuff up again. You’ll probably also fight some random LEGO monsters or maybe get sent of some quests to kill x number of monsters, or get hired to blow up some monsters’ stuff, which requires fighting some monsters. And then, umm… just do that for fifty levels.
I just don’t think it’s going to work that well, guys. As much as we love LEGO, it’s really an individual thing. I don’t even like playing CO-OP, cause those are my blocks to kersplode! Share the world with thousands of other players, all of whom are also kersploding blocks? Blocks which, due to the nature of online gaming, are just going to get better? Yuck, no.
Plus, you know, not a lot of people care for unlicensed LEGO sets anymore. A quick visit would confirm that they’re all pretty much based on an already existing franchise. Making a giant MMO based on the least popular LEGO franchise seems odd. Least you could have done was add some Ninjago. Or that new one, with the Lion-O guy? That’s probably a better move.
Yeah, it’s Assassin’s Creed, and it looks awesome, and extra piratey this time. But the fact that they still haven’t created one you can launch without a wrist flick is mighty disappointing. I could overlook any other issue with the thing, but the most exciting bit of the blade is that “wrist flick and then there’s a blade” feature. No matter how accurate you make it otherwise the fact that I have to reach over and click it is a bummer.
And as long as we’re complaining, why isn’t there a legitimate replica yet? Maybe without the blade, that would probably had dangerously towards “selling a concealed weapon.” But even if you were to replace the blade with a realistic looking foam you could probably create a fairly accurate replica made out of metal, and with the wrist flick-y feature everyone wants. The stupid Portal Guns sold out almost immediately. There’s probably a decent market for these things. Make it happen, Ubisoft.
Not just Adventure Time characters in Lego, they remade the entire sweeping intro out of Legos. It moved a little slower because using Lego models for every frame takes a bunch of time. So I understand it was easier to just extend the shots a little. Plus, that’s a lot of detail they put in for basically a second of footage. Adventure Time!
Who wants this? I want this. Guess what? You can actually buy this. Yup, it made it passed whatever board decides which Lego sets they mass produce and this one made it. I just need to figure out how quickly I should buy it because I don’t know how quickly these sorts of things sell. A portion of the sales also goes to charity if that helps persuade you. It helps me.
Dragon’s Crown is getting some statues. They haven’t done the Sorceress, which is good, because attempting to sculpt her body into a statue would probably cause some sort of time space continuum thing, but it’s the next best thing. Dragon’s Crown’s Amazon is being turned into a statue that you’ll be able to purchase, for whatever disturbing reason you might have for wanting to do that.
And in other, more human looking shapes, the Elf is also getting her own statue. Just to show that, “Yeah, we can make statues that aren’t 90 percent boob” the Elf will also be given an option to be displayed on your shelf, and only slightly creep out visitors to your home. “You should see the statue I didn’t purchase,” you’ll exclaim, hands held out in front of you like you’re trying to juggle watermelons, attempting to emphasize your point. “Girl jumping while wearing short shorts is much more tasteful.”
Oh, boy. KRE-O Dungeons and Dragons. Isn’t that exciting? Aren’t you overjoyed to learn that LEGO’s dumb ass cousin will be in charge of one of your favorite franchises?
There is a moment of excitement, though, right? You see minifig Drizzt fighting a bunch of minifig orcs, and your heart leaps with joy. LEGO D&D? This is the best news ever. Then it starts to sink in. “Wait, these minifigs don’t look right. And doesn’t Hasbro own Wizards of the Coast?” And then your eyes drift hesitantly upwards, to the line of text that you ignored the first time due to all your excitement about D&D minifigs. KRE-O. KRE-O D&D. You could not be more disgusted if you poured out a bowl of Fruit Loops and a spider’s egg sac came with it. Ugh. The sets will probably be, like, twelve pieces. Twelve pieces that can’t be used for anything but that specific set. Goddamn KRE-O.