Following Tobias Fünke’s request to “Insert Me Anywhere” Capcom has gone ahead and inserted him in a number of awkward places. He’s been inserted in places that some folks might find downright painful. He’s been inserted- Actually, you know what? You get it. It’s an anal sex joke. Moving on.
Archive for Video Games
Everyone’s favorite mobile game has a brand new update. Now you can use magical portals, I mean mirrors, to cause more creative destruction with your various birds. It looks cool, and is in no way taken from Portals, I mean Portal.
Over two weeks after April ended, we get the compilation of the top five video game fails in April. It’s probably worth the wait. There’s some pretty cool glitches in here, including a deadly van corner.
Any other character, an encounter with ninjas might actually be something interesting. Cause they’re ninjas. But not Batman. You can try to get us excited for Arkham Origins with Batman fighting ninjas, but it’s not gonna accomplish much. For most folks the response is gonna be “Oh, Batman vs Ninjas? Yawn. Call me when he’s doing something we haven’t seen a million times already.” You’ve gone to the ninja well too many times. You dug too greedily, and too deep, and now ninjas are just nothing special. Just a step above street thugs. You’ve ruined ninjas, Batman. Way to go.
“Didn’t we just have an Assassin’s Creed IV trailer?” you might be asking yourself? And the answer is yes, yes we did. And you can expect a whole shit ton more over the next six months. If there’s one thing Ubisoft is not shy about, it’s inundating you with trailers. You will be just sick of Assassin’s Creed trailers until the game comes out. At which point they will announce the new one, and the cycle will begin anew.
But as for this trailer, not a lot to say. Dude doesn’t like rich folks, so he’s going to rob them, and then, I guess, rely on his copious spending habits to ensure that he doesn’t become the thing he hates most. “I’ve become modestly wealthy? We’ve got to solve this! Bring me all the ale and whores you can!” Yup, that’ll work for a while. Course, eventually the bars and whores will become rich on his excess, and he’ll have to rob them, but that’s a problem for another day.
As for the gameplay, there’s some ship sailing, some sword fighting, and you’ll wrestle with sharks, because anything that can make this series and Far Cry more similar can only be a good thing. I’m betting by the fifth Far Cry the game is just a first person Assassin’s Creed. Which is just as well, since this game doesn’t appear to want to have anything to do with Assassin’s Creed. Other than a couple shots of hidden blades, and a vague mention of a “secret society” in one of the early trailers, it’s pretty much been all pirates, all the time. Where are the assassins?
Road Not Taken is a new puzzle game type thing from the Triple Town team (you can tell because it’s got that Triple Town Bear) that also has some Robert Frost influence, because why not, right? I often play video games thinking how much more I’d enjoy them if they were based on dry poetry from half a century ago.
Well, whatever, if you told me I’d love an RPG based on Chopin’s piano playing I would have said you were crazy, until that happened, and it was awesome. So, I guess, open mind.
If Scribblenauts has one flaw, it’s that you can’t summon Batman. Which is nuts. No matter what crazy puzzle they might throw at you, the answer is always Batman. But that’s no longer a problem with Scribblenauts Unmasked, which will allow you to Scribblenaut up the whole DC Universe. You won’t even need Batman. Just Scribblenaut Batman’s utility belt. All problems solved. “Get this cat out of a tree?” Batarang. “Save me from this shark?” Bat-Shark-Repellent-Spray. “Get this baby across the river?” Miniature-Bat-Hot-Air-Balloon. Wow, this game’s too easy now. Stupid Batman. Thanks for ruining everything.
I’ll let you decide if the hype was worth it. It usually isn’t, but you can’t not have hype when you are dealing with BioShock. Only gripe is that these guys look too young to be running an underground city. Grow up!
Pokemon’s been around for fifteen years (longer in Japan) and in that time, nothing has changed. Each generation the graphics get a bit better, they add a whole mess of new Pokemon, and they add some sort of feature like collecting berries to make Pokemon treats. But it’s always been an over head 2D RPG with random battles, and the fight screen has always looked exactly the same. The story has always been the same “Collect Pokemon and then fight eight gym leaders until you can battle the Elite Four. Also, there’s an evil group up to… something.”
So, this is weird. 3D graphics, a new battle system. Riding Pokemon around? Already this minute and a half long video has shown more changes to the Pokemon franchise than all the previous Pokemon sequels combined. What is going on? It’s like my world has ceased making any sort of sense.