Shitsnacks, You People Love Your Hunger Games!

1. The Hunger Games – $155,000,000
A hundred forty million dollars? Fifth best weekend ever? Hell no. We can do better. One hundred fifty five million. The third best opening weekend ever. Three million away from The Dark Night. And that’s all estimates. And that’s without 3d. Depending how sunday did, it might sneak up to the number two spot. What the hell? Why is this series so popular?

2. 21 Jump Street – $21,300,000
“Well, we’ll just release our goofy action comedy in March. That oughta keep us on top of the box office for a few weeks. Wait, what the fuck is a ‘Hungry Game’?”

3. Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax – $13,100,000
Godless communists. All of you. God clearly wants us to be greedy fucks and use up all of the earth’s resources as quickly as possible.

4. John Carter – $5,014,000
Still hanging on there, John? Five million? Bet you wish that arena you were fighting that giant monster in was instead filled with bloodthirsty children intent on murdering each other, huh? That probably would have helped.

5. Act of Valor – $2,062,000
Two million dollars, and it’s in the top five. Hunger Games really is like the Roman Empire, in that it apparently conquered every theater in sight, leaving the few others movies barren land to try to eke out an existence. That metaphor took way too long to explain. Oops.