Over two weeks after April ended, we get the compilation of the top five video game fails in April. It’s probably worth the wait. There’s some pretty cool glitches in here, including a deadly van corner.
Tag Archive for Assassin’s Creed
“Didn’t we just have an Assassin’s Creed IV trailer?” you might be asking yourself? And the answer is yes, yes we did. And you can expect a whole shit ton more over the next six months. If there’s one thing Ubisoft is not shy about, it’s inundating you with trailers. You will be just sick of Assassin’s Creed trailers until the game comes out. At which point they will announce the new one, and the cycle will begin anew.
But as for this trailer, not a lot to say. Dude doesn’t like rich folks, so he’s going to rob them, and then, I guess, rely on his copious spending habits to ensure that he doesn’t become the thing he hates most. “I’ve become modestly wealthy? We’ve got to solve this! Bring me all the ale and whores you can!” Yup, that’ll work for a while. Course, eventually the bars and whores will become rich on his excess, and he’ll have to rob them, but that’s a problem for another day.
As for the gameplay, there’s some ship sailing, some sword fighting, and you’ll wrestle with sharks, because anything that can make this series and Far Cry more similar can only be a good thing. I’m betting by the fifth Far Cry the game is just a first person Assassin’s Creed. Which is just as well, since this game doesn’t appear to want to have anything to do with Assassin’s Creed. Other than a couple shots of hidden blades, and a vague mention of a “secret society” in one of the early trailers, it’s pretty much been all pirates, all the time. Where are the assassins?
I mean, I get it. You love pirates. I love pirates. Everyone loves pirates. They’re dangerous, and they only work to sate their basest urges, and they live in a state of near anarchy. It’s all very exciting. But they are kind of terrible. They rob and rape and kill. That’s their job. Even Pirates of the Caribbean recognized that they were a bunch of self serving jerks.
So maybe we can pull back a little on the “Searching for the only true freedom” bits. Let’s not assign nobility to folks that would rather kill you and take your shit than earn their own shit. Sure, it’s a game, and sometimes it’s fun to just play a monster in games. Just don’t pretend that they’re not monsters. Even if nothing is true and everything is permitted, murdering a boat full of people for their gold should still be looked down on. Don’t care how “free” it makes you feel.
There are a lot of Assassin’s Creed game coming out. This parody video really brings home the silliness of our expectations for these games now. I really want the third one this video.
It’s a problem, right? Assassin’s Creed has always strayed from the insane mass murderer spree that other open world games tend to lead to by punishing you for killing civilians. The dude you’re playing doesn’t remember killing civilians, so you can’t exist in his memories if you do that.
Except this time you’re a pirate. Pirates are bad guys. They kill folks for their money and jewels and limes (limes are very important). So they better not be telling me that Edward didn’t kill civilians. I bet he did. I bet he killed a bunch of civilians. I bet killing civilians is one of the nicest things he did.
In fact, I dunno how well the Assassin’s Creed really meshes with the pirate code. They seem to be heavily opposed. I don’t know that assassins should really be training pirates at all. Aren’t pirates scary enough without super powers? Stupid assassins.
If by “meet” you mean “watch him hit folks with various weapons.” Cause that’s what’s happening here. We don’t know a lot about this dude, outside of being a pirate and eventually sireing a traitorous bastard (not literally a bastard since they share the same last name, metaphorically a bastard). And this video does not solve that. We know nothing new about this guy, except that he can smash a liquor bottle in a pirate’s face. Which, okay, that’s pretty cool. Still like to know some more about him, though.
As it was foretold, here’s your Assassin’s Creed IV trailer, featuring just a big old pile of pirates. And they’re not half assing the recommendations here. They go right to Blackbeard. If Blackbeard think’s a dude’s scary, you pretty much don’t have to wonder anymore. That dude’s scary. Also, he’s carrying all the guns. You thought it was cool when you got that holster that lets you carry two guns? Not even a thing. This dude carries one million guns on his body at all times. And he’s a sword fighter. And he murders guys to steal their dates. Not nice. But very pirate-y.
Oh the other hand, Edward Kenway? Why more Kenways? We’re dropping Desmond, I guess I assumed we would be dropping his family. But apparently not. Like Subject 16, our new character has to be a really, really removed cousin of Desmond, because they apparently both had the same great great great great great great great grandfather. Probably some more greats in there. Why couldn’t the pirate assassin just be some new family tree, unrelated to boring ass Connor? That would be an improvement. And the fact that his son is a fancy dressed noble type just one generation after a badass pirate means that badass pirate is going to be doing a lot of British privateering, isn’t he? I don’t want that. I just want to steal shit.
I doubt there were a lot of folks unconvinced by yesterday’s leak of an Assassin’s Creed IV poster showing off pirates. I mean, sure, someone could have faked it, but that would be a remarkable amount of work for virtually no payoff. Still, if you were on the edge, worry no longer. Assassin’s Creed IV does exist. It is totally about pirates, and it still has the Black Flag subtitle, because apparently the IV just wasn’t good enough. Was that the problem with Assassin’s Creed III? The lack of subtitle? If it had been called Assassin’s Creed III: Sons of Liberty would the ending have not been so terrible? That would’ve been nice.
Ubisoft will announce more on Monday, probably a character name, backstory, maybe a brief synopsis. And considering it’s almost a year to the date of the first Assassin’s Creed III trailer, I’m betting we can expect something similar. Something involving pirates. Pirates!
Remember when you played those boat sequences in Assassin’s Creed 3? And you’re first thought was “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Sid Meier’s Pirates like this?” Well, Ubisoft has heard your thoughts (worrisome) and decided to just make that happen on their own, with no Sid Meier needing to get involved.
At least that’s what appears to be happening in this poster, sent into Kotaku. That is definitely an Assassin fighting some pirates, which is basically the greatest sentence that can be spoken. Let’s just hope we get to take up the pirate life ourselves at some point. I recognize that pirates are kind of bad guys, but surely there are some Templars shipping some stuff that could use some yar-har-ing. Right? Pirates!
If you’re like me, you were probably under the assumption that the next Assassin’s Creed would be about a new team, star a new assassin, and probably come out sometime this year. You were probably under that assumption because that’s pretty much what we’re been told about the series.
But now Ubisoft is here to tell you that the new Assassin’s Creed will be about a new team, star a new assassin, and come out in “Fiscal 2014″ which is, for whatever reason, mostly in 2013. So, no new news. Maybe it’s technically new, because maybe they’ve never officially announced this information, but, come on, we know. Whatever.
Listen guys, I’m gonna say this again. Victorian London. The next assassin should live in Victorian London. I would punch a baby seal to see that get made.