Tag Archive for Books

Most Elaborate Wedding Proposal Inspired by Harry Potter

These two are going to be getting married. But before they could, he put his future wife through a pretty excessive scavenger hunt that she seemed all too willing to participate in. And she didn’t plan this, it was kind of sprung on her. They kind of are made for each other if she’s willing to go through all that, and if he thinks it’s a good idea to put her through all that. It worked, so there.

Ender’s Game Trailer – Featuring So Much Grumpy Han Solo

It might be Ender’s name in the title, but you wouldn’t know it from this trailer, which appears to be selling us a movie about Colonel Graff: Space Teacher.  He’s our best space teacher, preparing some whiny little kid to save the world, through grumpy narrations and grumpy teaching and grumpy arguing with that lady from The Help.  Maybe that kid might be irrevocably changed by Graff’s space teaching, but that’s just the sort of thing that our heroic Space Teacher is going to have to handle on his own.  These are the decisions Space Teachers need to make, and who are you to call him on it?

Otherwise, it’s a lot of the same.  Giant space battles that the thrilling music assures us is epic, and not kind of goofy looking.  And the end of the movie is once again just sort of chilling in the trailer, like it’s not a thing.  And they’re sticking with that horrendous tag line, which, depending on whether you’ve read the book is either kind of terrible or outrageously terrible.  This is Not a Game indeed.

Well Then Why’d You Call It Ender’s GAME?

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Ender’s Game’s latest poster would like to remind you that “This is not a game.” Which… then why’s it called Ender’s Game?  Call it something else, if you’re gonna make that claim. But you can’t, because it totally is a game!  It’s actually several games.  Pretty much everything he does, from beginning to end, is engage is a variety of games.  This is one of the worst taglines I’ve ever seen.  It’s almost brilliant in it’s ineptitude.  It’s wonderful.

George RR Martin Goes a Little Postal

Context: these guys wrote a song about how long it takes Martin to write his newest book. I guess it’s been a long time, I’m not waiting up for it. However, they were able to get George and Neil Gaiman to do a bit with them on stage in San Diego this weekend. It’s pretty great. Now what are you doing on stage at concert when you could be writing?

Holy Balls, Kingkiller Chronicler is Gonna Be a TV Show

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That’s totally happening!  Deadline reports Patrick Rothfuss’s Kingkiller Chronicle is gonna be a TV show!  It’s been licensed by 20th Century Fox, which is a might bit worrisome, but still.  Kvothe Kingkiller’s gonna be on the TV!  I’m freaking out here!  Might pee myself.  Just a little.

Beer of Thrones Makes You Gamey

This seems dangerous. It’s a beer that makes you act out scenarios from Game of Thrones, likely more TV than the book. A bit extreme. I don’t think I’ll partake of this beer, just in case I’m the one beheaded or spanked.

More Grumpy Old Han Solo

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To be fair, he’s grumpy because he has to teach/torture this kid to be the savior of humanity from an invading race of bug monsters, and that’s bound to make anyone a touch surly.  But every single shot or picture or video that’s come out, he’s got the exact same scowl. 

“For this next scene, I think I’m gonna scowl.”
“Okay, Harrison, but-”
“…”
“Okay Mr. Ford, that’s nice, but you’ve literally scowled in every shot so far.  Maybe this time you could…”
“…”
“No, alright.  More scowling.  Scowling is good.”

I Feel Like You’re Not Even Trying, Under the Dome

Everything about this just seems off. I mean, I don’t mind a few little changes to an adaptation if it helps the story move along. I don’t even mind major changes to an adaptation if it makes the movie better. Hell, I know it makes me pretty much a heretic, but Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is one of my favorite Harry Potter movies, and that movie kind of knows what the plot of the book is, and not a lot else. So I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. But what’s going on here? These changes serve no purpose. How is Phil Bushey being an angry radio DJ going to help? That’s just a needless complication. Does he still cook meth? That’s all he really needs to do. Why can we see the damn dome? I realize that it’s TV, and it’s a visual medium, but the point is that the dome was invisible. Just a hazy force field is far less terrifying. And why do people keep running into it when you can see it? And why is Duke Perkins in so many scenes in this trailer? I mean, spoiler alert if you haven’t read the books, but he kind of leaves us fairly early on. And that’s kind of important. He can’t be around, or else everything falling apart makes less sense.

Maybe this all works. Maybe in context all these changes will work together, and it will tell a story just as good as the story that they’re not telling from the book. And if so, great, I’ll be happy. I hope that’s what happens. I’d love to be wrong about all of this.

But I doubt it.

Wizarding World of Harry Potter Adds a Diagon Alley, I Pee Myself a Little In Excitement

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Because there’s absolutely nothing that can’t be improved by more Harry Potter, Universal Studios will be expanding the Wizarding World of Harry Potter into Universal Studios proper.  The current section is in the Islands of Adventure, but starting next year you’ll be able to get your Harry Potter on in either park.  Islands of Adventure will continue to be Hogsmeade and Hogwarts and they will build a chunk of London and Diagon Alley in Universal Studios.  Finally you’ll be able to take a short walk from Amity Island to The Leaky Cauldron, like god intended.  And the best bit, the most wonderful bit, is that they will connect the two parks allowing you to ride from “London” to “Hogsmeade” on the Hogwarts Express.  I could cry.

From Comingsoon

Here’s Ender’s Game’s Crazy Old Man

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From Entertainment Weekly comes this first look at Ender’s Game’s Mazer Rackman, who, with his ridiculous facial tattoo and even ridiculouser name appears to be making a solid push for citizenship in Panem.  Instead he’ll teach Ender everything you need to know when fighting a bunch of telekinetic bug people.  Which, in retrospect might be a spoiler? Screw it, they’re the ones that released the image.

Now, admittedly, it’s an impressive image, and would probably be fairly memorable, if they hadn’t chosen to release it the same week that most of us will be watching an even more ridiculouser-ier Ben Kingsley in action.  But this week it’s just a crazy facial tattoo.  That barely even moves the needle on the “Crazy Shit on Ben Kingsley” meter next to The Mandarin.