Our box office results, from Box Office Mojo.

1. Iron Man 3 – $72,472,000
When given the choice of self obsessed, drunken playboys, the one that can fight a small army with with robot suit is always going to win.

2. The Great Gatsby – $51,115,000
Damn it, you said adding rap to classic literature would help us beat the comic movies! What happened?

3. Pain and Gain – $5,000,000
“Wait, both Iron Man and The Great Gatsby are sold out? Well, I’m gonna watch something tonight.”

4. Tyler Perry Presents Peeples – $4,850,000
People continue to see Tyler Perry movies. For reasons.

5. 42 – $4,650,000
Still? I realize the top five is pretty much a top two this week, but still, 42 is still on the list?

Our Box Office Results, from Box Office Mojo.

1. Pain and Gain – $20,000,000
“Only twenty million dollars? Why didn’t I have a scene where two robots kneed each other in the balls?”

2. Oblivion – $17,443,000
Tom Cruise continues to… something.

3. 42 – $10,725,000
At this point it’s just a bunch of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fans, powerless to avoid anything related to 42.

4. The Big Wedding – $7,500,000
Showing a decent first week based almost entirely on the “Oh, I’ll go see anything with that one guy in it” people. Just jam enough “that one guys” in your movie and you’re set.

5. The Croods – $6,600,000
“I took my kids to see The Croods for the sixth time this week. When’s anything else animated being released?”

Our box office results, from Box Office Mojo.

1. Oblivion – $38,152,000
Turns out Jack Reachers in the future are way more appealing than Jack Reachers of the boring old present.

2. 42 – $18,025,000
How much more can we learn about Jackie Robinson? He played baseball well, some people were unhappy about it because they were assholes. How many times do we need the story retold?

3. The Croods – $9,500,000
Of course it’s getting a sequel. It’s an animated movie, we can’t just not run it into the ground.

4. Scary Movie 5 – $6,296,000
Who is watching this? Why are you doing that?

5. G.I. Joe: Retaliation – $5,775,000
A couple more folks try to kill time until “The Rock Drives Things” with “The Rock Shoots Things.” Almost there, guys.

Our box office results, from Box Office Mojo.

1. 42 – $27,250,000
Sure, fixing racism by being able to hit a baseball well was impressive, but only once that baseball hitting becomes a movie that reaches number one in the box office has racism been defeated forever.

2. Scary Movie 5 – $15,153,000
Enjoy it while it lasts, scary movie, by next weekend all your jokes will be wildly out of date.

3. The Croods – $13,200,000
This’ll hold the kids over until the Monsters thing, right?

4. G.I. Joe: Retaliation – $10,800,000
Um, excuse me, but it’s supposed to be “Real American Heroes!”
Alright, I’m sick of hearing this complaint. Murder all the non-Americans.
Whoa that’s not what… alright, I guess.

5. Evil Dead – $9,500,000
Dropping four spots as people realized they can get pretty much the same experience, but with Snoop Lion (nee’ Dogg) getting high in the cabin. Obviously that’s the better choice.

Our box office results, from Box Office Mojo

1. The Croods – $44,700,000
Sorry Fred and Wilma. People used to love you, but now we’re all about slightly more accurate caveman families. Not a lot more accurate, but, you know.

2. Olympus Has Fallen – $30,500,000
America! Everyone who’s not American might as well be a terrorist.

3. Oz The Great and Powerful – $22,031,000
Another few million people decide to see what other hallucinations Dorothy had.

4. The Call – $8,700,000
Exciting phone talking action!

5. Admission – $6,446,000
Tina Fey and Paul Rudd somehow weren’t as adorable as a family of cavemen. Impossible to believe, I know.

1. Oz The Great and Powerful – $42,222,000
Adding wings to the monkeys apparently in no way alters people’s love for them and James Franco.

2. The Call – $17,100,000
Halle Berry spends a lot of time talking on the phone.

3. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone – $10,305,000
America’s ambivalence towards magician movies probably doesn’t bode well for the magician action movie.

4. Jack the Giant Slayer – $6,220,000
Someone’s still confusing this with some sort of Buffy sequel. I can’t think of any other reason why you’d be seeing it.

5. Identity Thief – $4,519,000
Who is still watching this? Why won’t they stop?

1. Jack the Giant Slayer – $28,010,000
Number one, but still a disappointing weekend. Maybe this is the beginning of the end for “Let’s just slap out a movie based on a public domain story” movies? That would be nice.

2. Identity Thief – $9,706,000
Despite a trailer devoid of comedy this still manages to hang on. Who are watching this?

3. 21 and Over – $9,000,000
Damn it, when they tried to make something that wasn’t just The Hangover again, you didn’t see it. And now that they just made The Hangover again, you didn’t see it! The hell do you want?

4. The Last Exorcism Part II – $8,030,000
The fact that this only made it to fourth place gives me some hope for the species. Maybe we don’t need a new possessed girl movie every two months?

5. Snitch – $7,700,000
Oh, Dwayne Johnson. Surely you have something better to do than this.