It’s not the photographer’s fault. Kryptonians are blurry, and that’s extra scary to me. Because there’s a race of out of focus supermen running around the galaxy.
Here’s your three most important Kryptonians. There are a couple more running around. Kal-El should have a mom, and Zod’s got a girlfriend/sidekick. But these are the ones that deserve a poster because, well… they’re guys, I guess? I mean, you know what’s going on here. It’s called The Man of Steel. Don’t expect to be seeing a lot of conversations between two women, unless they’re about a guy, if you know what I mean.
Hit the jump for slightly larger, equally blurry versions of these posters.
Listen, if you’re going to make a trailer for a Batman game, you can’t just have calendars laying around all willy nilly. Now you’ve got me all excited about Calendar Man, but does he show up? No. You’ve got a calendar, you’ve set the game on a holiday, and then you just fill it with deadly assassins? Ridiculous. Give me holiday themed crimes. If the final twist of this game isn’t that it’s all an elaborate scheme concocted by Calendar Man, it’s failed.
But we do have Batman fighting Deathstroke. When we saw the teaser I watched it on my phone, somehow coming to the belief that it was Batman dispatching a series of ninjas, instead of continually fighting one ninja. I also failed to note that ninja was Deathstroke. So, oops. Still, Batman fights Deathstroke, Deadshot shows up, messes everything up, like usual, and Black Mask is unhappy. Then Batman does his threatening “watching things from high up” thing. Pretty much everything a Batman trailer needs.
Any other character, an encounter with ninjas might actually be something interesting. Cause they’re ninjas. But not Batman. You can try to get us excited for Arkham Origins with Batman fighting ninjas, but it’s not gonna accomplish much. For most folks the response is gonna be “Oh, Batman vs Ninjas? Yawn. Call me when he’s doing something we haven’t seen a million times already.” You’ve gone to the ninja well too many times. You dug too greedily, and too deep, and now ninjas are just nothing special. Just a step above street thugs. You’ve ruined ninjas, Batman. Way to go.
If Scribblenauts has one flaw, it’s that you can’t summon Batman. Which is nuts. No matter what crazy puzzle they might throw at you, the answer is always Batman. But that’s no longer a problem with Scribblenauts Unmasked, which will allow you to Scribblenaut up the whole DC Universe. You won’t even need Batman. Just Scribblenaut Batman’s utility belt. All problems solved. “Get this cat out of a tree?” Batarang. “Save me from this shark?” Bat-Shark-Repellent-Spray. “Get this baby across the river?” Miniature-Bat-Hot-Air-Balloon. Wow, this game’s too easy now. Stupid Batman. Thanks for ruining everything.
Here’s your next Injustice DLC: Batgirl. Which, that’s fine, we love Batman and Batman related characters enough that we’re okay with them taking up almost half the roster, and adding even more Batman characters can only be a good thing that we’ll all celebrate unanimously, right?
But still, part of you wishes it was Oracle, right? Rolling around, punching the shit out of bad guys from her wheelchair. Her super attack could be calling in the Birds of Prey to beat the hell out of her opponent and then star in a terrible TV show. It would be perfect.
Lobo was released as Injustice’s first DLC this week. But maybe you’re unclear on who Lobo is, exactly. Maybe you’re also too lazy to just visit the Wikipedia page about him and read the description. Which, that’s fair. Way too much work. Luckily Injustice has recognized your plight, and released this video. It’s pretty much just someone reading the summary portion of his Wikipedia page, intercut with shots of his appearances on Superman and Justice League, but if you missed every appearance of Lobo in the past, maybe this will make you a little clearer on why exactly there’s some sort of space biker in the game.
I think it’s Kryptonian armor. I guess it could be other armor, that they just found. On the other hand, they are Kryptonians, so technically any armor they own is “Kryptonian Armor.” Point is, we get to see it in action a bit more. It’s all big and bulky, but they’re all super fast and strong, so it doesn’t restrict them as much as you’d expect. It’s disconcerting to watch, but actually kind of works. As ridiculous as it looks in a still photo in action it kinda works. Well done, I guess.
Look! It’s Superman. He’s flying! He’s, uh… Superman! He’s, umm… wow, that’s about it. Superman is flying. Over a city. If you haven’t seen him do this in the almost century that he’s been around, it might be cool, but otherwise it’s just “Look. Superman.” Thank you for acknowledging the existence of Superman. Please go back to your days, now.
Not a lot new in this new Man of Steel tv spot. Barely even worth watching if, like me, you’ve watched that last trailer dozens of times in a row, looking for any new information you might glean. But there is a good shot of Perry White for several thousandths of a second, which is something I don’t think we’ve seen before, so we can enjoy that quick, before a bunch of people who would swear they’re not racist start complaining about how the character is ruined because he’s black, and they’re not saying that because they’re racist, they’re just saying the character only makes sense if he’s white. That’s just science. Can’t dispute that.
Lobo is Injustice’s first DLC, available next week, and here he is beating up Batman to prove how awesome he is. But something seems off. Maybe it’s the voice? Like most characters that showed up in the animated Universe, the decision to have them voiced by anyone but the original animated characters is confusing and wrong. But I think it’s mostly the dreads. Lobo is kind of grungy, and I guess dreads make sense. But seeing them on him, all I can think of is that Khal Drogo character on Stargate: Atlantis. He’s just a paler version of Ronon Dex. Right?