The Last Stand
Schwarzenegger is old now. Surely that’s enough premise to carry us through the whole movie.
True Blood: The Complete Fifth Season
I don’t even know. Something about vampires, probably.
My Neighbor Totoro
Everyone loves the Totoro. I don’t get it. It’s okay, I guess, but I’ll never understand why we obsess over it so.
For that person that thinks “Taut psychological thriller” and “Channing Tatum” somehow belong together.
Because we’ve already burned through vampires and werewolves and teenagers forced to fight in Battle Royale type contests. Witches are the next logical step.
Jason Statham robs banks. Totally out of character for him.
LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite
Basically just all the cutscenes from LEGO Batman 2. I don’t know why you would need this.
Stand Up Guys
Old gangsters have fun together before the eventual murdering starts. Why precisely you would wait until a guy got out of jail to murder him, I’m not sure. For that matter, I’m not sure why you would murder a guy at all, since he clearly went to jail rather than rat on you? I’m sure it makes sense in context.
Tags: DVD Day
Tom Hanks and Halle Berry cross generations in an attempt to bang. Also, a bunch of really white guys pretend to be Korean for reasons that I’m sure seemed entirely valid at the time.
Dexter: Season Seven
How? How is Dexter still Dexter-ing? How many times can a guy almost get caught, but then not really?
My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic: Season Two
John de Lancie plays a chaos demon in a show for little girls. In ten years, nerds are going to find it a lot easier to find common ground for conversations with girls than we did.
Third Rock from the Sun: The Complete Series
I’m not saying this is the greatest show ever made or anything, but thirty dollars for all six seasons combined? That’s like a quarter an episode. How can it be worth that little? It’s got JGL.
That 70s Show – The Complete Series
So… this is just a screw you to the guy who paid over two hundred dollars for the same product? What’s going on here? Besides, it’s on Netflix. Just watch it on Netflix. Side note, how long until the reunion special? The gang gets back together for the last week of 1989? We can see what they got up to. Let’s make that happen, Fox.
Tags: DVD Day
Tom Cruise is… Some guy. He’ll drive a car fancy, and maybe kick you in the balls, if you get out of order.
I recognize that it’s supposed to be Doomsday, but when I see that skull with the tentacles all I see if some kind of space Davy Jones.
Fringe: Season Five
I guess the bald guys were evil? Spoiler alert if, like me, you only got to the third season before giving up.
Clean cut white kids make out. Maybe something bad happens? But then it’s okay. Because it’s Nicholas Sparks. It’s all the same stuff.
Make a gajillion dollars on a relatively tiny budget. Expect to see lots of grimy ghost movies in the next couple years.
Finally, the American classic updated to 3D. What were we doing as a people that Gamer wasn’t available in 3 dimensions before this moment?
Tags: DVD Day
Silver Linings Playbook
We all like to make fun of the Academy Awards because they’re pointless and outdated and almost always wrong. But when they nominate a romantic comedy for Best Picture? Well, that deserves a look see, I think.
Star Trek: The Next Generation Season Three
Finally making the first really good season of Next Generation available in HD. Or at least available in SD upconverted to HD and that’s probably worth another sixty bucks, right? Even though you could watch it on Netflix for eight bucks a month.
Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe try really hard to remind you that they occasionally star in fantastic movies, even though they’re Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe. Then they try even harder to keep you from noticing this is not one of those times.
The Guilt Trip
Despite all that wishing otherwise, this movie still somehow exists.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
Star Trek VII: Generations
Star Trek IX: Insurrection
Star Trek X: Nemesis
All your crappier Star Trek movies, finally available on Blu-Ray outside of a Box Set. Which, I don’t know who this is for? If you wanted the whole Star Trek series, you already bought the box sets. This is for the person who bought all four of the good movies, but also really wants The Final Frontier, but not Search for Spock? It’s a very specific thing.
Once again Tarantino writes an incredibly bloody, but much improved version of history, where the folks that deserve to get filled with bullets get filled with bullets substantially earlier than they would have in our boring “actual history.”
A Monster in Paris
I vaguely remember trailers for this, but I couldn’t tell you what it was about with a gun to my head.
Iron Man: Rise of the Technovore
Iron Man fights a technovore, I guess?
Some cool kung fu is interuppted by some sort of Chinese version of History of Violence.
A Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia
It’s called A Haunting in Connecticut, but it’s about Georgia? How awesome is that?
Flash Gordon – The Complete Series
The “realistic” version of Flash Gordon. Such a good idea it lasted less than a season on SciFi.
Tags: DVD Day
One of the presidents. I guess he was a pretty important one?
Killing Them Softly
Brad Pitt murders some folks. For… some sort of reason. I don’t remember what.
Sometimes Billy Crystal isn’t a green eyeball monster. This is generally a bad decision on his part.
How long will I love this movie?
The sequel to this one horro movie I don’t know that anyone saw.
Continuum: Season One
Star Trek: Enterprise – Season One
Finally, one of the worst seasons of Star Trek available on Blu-Ray. Was this worse than the final season of Voyager? Debatable. But it’s sure not good.
The really cruddy sequel to Westworld.
The Lost World: Jurassic Park
High Definition dinosaurs!
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
The Hobbit and his Dwarfy friends spend almost three hours doing damn near nothing, because we’ve gotta stretch this story over three movies somehow.
The internet seems to agree that everyone in this movie is unable to sing. Which makes them interesting choices for a musical.
Zero Dark Thirty
Andy Dwyer shoots Osama Bin Laden. I guess other stuff happens too, but can anything really top that?
This is Forty
The couple we didn’t really care about in Knocked Up gets their own movie, because Judd Apatow is the only person in hollywood that needs to stick his kids in more movies than Will Smith.
Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek do Natural Born Killers a couple of decades early.
Because this is a movie that needs the HD treatment.
English Godzilla. No, I don’t know why that exists either.
Not Bridesmaids. Totally a different thing.
The Great Magician
Didn’t we just establish that no one cares about magicians?
Rise of the Guardians
Russian mobster Santa leads a holiday characters version of the Avengers. Also, Sandman is in there too. I dunno why.
Life of Pi
This kid spends a couple hours negotiating with a tiger. Somehow that works.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit: 25th Anniversary Edition
You know there was going to be a prequel where Roger Rabbit goes to WWII? How drunk were they to imagine that?
Mulan / Mulan II
Mulan is one of Disney’s best movies. Mulan II… exists.
The Hunchback Of Notre Dame / The Hunchback Of Notre Dame II
How do you even make a sequel to Hunchback of Notre Dame? Everyone dies!
Cirque Du Soleil – Worlds Away
I guess I don’t understand of watching Cirque Du Soleil on a tv screen. It’s pretty much designed to be impressive when you’re there. On the screen, not so much. Even in 3D.
Brother Bear / Brother Bear 2
Remember when Disney was just getting drunk and green lighting everything that crossed their desk? Killing a bear turns you into a bear? Sure.
Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman
I don’t think I ever watched this one. Something about Batwoman, I guess.
Tags: DVD Day
At first it’s a modern Who Framed Roger Rabbit, for the video game generation. And then halfway through it just becomes a bunch of candy puns. So many candy puns.
From the time before Liam Neeson spent all his time un-Takening people.
It’s just so boring. Like, it’s not exactly bad. It’s just, who cares? At least the original kind of has a place in history. This is just some people do some things.
Homicidal cowboy robots. There really isn’t anything else that needs to be said.
Poor people and rich people aren’t that different after all.
Playing for Keeps
Gerard Butler is an ex soccer player who will inevitably have to choose between an interview for an awesome job or his kid’s important thing. Then he will make the wrong choice, but then realize his mistake and run to go to the kid’s important thing after all.
Nightmare on Elm Street Collection
Because why just buy the first Nightmare on Elm Street when you could buy all the Nightmare on Elm Streets and only watch the first one.
Those wacky Space Marines. Oops, I said Space Marines. Now I owe Games Workshop a nickel or something.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Those vampires are totally going to vampire their way out from under some other vampires. Also werewolves. And that dude with the mustache.
Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a charismatic cult leader that’s totally not L Ron Hubbard, because his religion is totally a religion and not a cult.
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnts ingonyama bagithi baba!
Silent Hill: Revelation 3D
For that person who saw Silent Hill and thought “Damn, I need me some more of that.” You are insane.
Adventure Coral Reef 3D – Under the Sea of Egypt
Where the hell is the sea of Egypt? Do they mean the red sea?
The Hudsucker Proxy
He don’t look wise.