Remember when you bought your Grand Theft Auto 4 Collector’s Edition, and it was ninety bucks, but it came with an actual lockbox? I mean, a shitty lockbox, a lockbox you could pretty much open by jamming your thumbnail in there, but still, it was a lockbox. Things have gotten less impressive in the intervening years. The new Collector’s Edition will come with a “Safety Deposit Bag.” And not not one of those fancy Bourne Identity bags either. Just the same boring old zip up bag that McDonald’s gave you to deposit money at the bank once they trusted you to hold any amount of money without jamming it into your pants and running off. But, okay, that’s not as impressive, so there’s probably a noticeable drop in price to make up for it, right? No, actually, it’s a hundred fifty dollars. Balls. Sure, it also comes with a blue print and a baseball cap and a little keychain. But Skyrim and Batman gave me awesome sculptures for that same price. GTA’s giving me a bag. And a hat. Awesome.
Tag Archive for Grand Theft Auto
So you know as soon as you see smoke and fire on your car in Grand Theft Auto, it will blow up. If there are cars nearby, they will also catch on fire and of course eventually explode. Even the fire truck will get in on the exploding action. This seemed a bit too easy.
More accurately it’s three trailers, each dedicated to one of our protagonists, but Rockstar was nice enough to stitch them together for us, because why would we want to watch three videos when we could watch one?
So, once again we confirm that, unlike the more recent Grand Theft Autos, which tried to give us slightly more relatable characters that they wanted us to empathize with (in between mass murder sprees, obviously) like CJ and Niko, GTAV will head back to the classic days of characters I might light on fire just to watch them burn. Franklin might be redeemable, but Michael is clearly an asshole that just puts on a good face because he has a family, and Trevor is just a flat out monster. Can’t wait to see what hijinks these guys get up to.
Note, these trailers contain a but of nudity, both male and female, so… watch out for that. Maybe watch it on your phone or something.
Yes! More mods! Now you can play as a flying Iron Man in…whatever city this is. He’ll shoot missiles from the air. He probably won’t fly horizontally, but you really want him for the missiles he’ll be firing. You can also play as War Machine and, for even more giggles, Stan Lee. I hope he shoots missiles out of his hands.
A helicopter, a motorcycle, an attractive woman giving you the naughty look, and a number of angry men holding guns. All separated by little boxes. Pretty much what you’d expect from your Grand Theft Auto cover art. It really hasn’t changed much since ever. The only real difference here seems to be the decision to remind us what the V means. It means Five. So those of you who were confused and thought this new game would be about that dude from V for Vendetta? It’s not. That V just means Five. Says so, right on the cover.
Cause apparently we’re idiots.
Something’s wrong with his driving. I know there’s not really a reason to take a taxi in Grand Theft Auto, but that doesn’t mean you can skimp on the AI. Oh, and now he’s flying through the air. How did that happen?
Yup, that’s Woody from Toy Story absolutely obliterating all the cabs and police cars in Liberty City with the help with some clones of Buzz. Woody has an amazing push kick. Really causes mayhem.
Yes, the long wait is over. We finally have… a release date. Game’s still nine months away, but this is still more information than we had before. September 17 is the date that you’ll be able to steal and murder your way through fictional South California.
Obviously if you were expecting the game to be released this Spring, you’re probably disappointed, maybe even heading to web forums to complain about this “bullshit delay”. And that would be valid, if they ever actually announced a release date before. GTAIV pulled that “It’s coming in October, Ha ha, no actually April!” nonsense. Which is why this game never actually announced a release date. There was a “Spring Release Date,” but that was based on promotional material that wasn’t ever actually approved. So it’s not really a delay. It’s just finally a release date. You can quit bitching. They didn’t ruin your life. You’ll just have to wait a few more months than you were hoping.
I’m gonna punch a shark in the nose! If there’s one thing that Grand Theft Auto games have been light on in previous titles, it’s the ability to punch a shark in the nose. Looks like GTAV might be the game to fix that one noticeable omission.
And submarine’s. So many vehicles in the old games, how did none of us recognize the lack of submersible vehicles? Well, no longer. We will murder various innocents at the bottom of the ocean just like we do on land an in the air!
Speaking of in the air, here’s an airplane. Not as exciting as sharks, admittedly, but after no airplanes in GTAIV, it’s a welcome sight none the less. Airplanes! And sharks! Los Santos is nuts!
I’m hoping I haven’t posted this before, because there are so many awesome mods for Grand Theft Auto lately, and I’m sure there are more that involve horses. I just couldn’t stop laughing at what this horse did and its ridiculous programming. I am unsure why some of these things happened, but I’m glad they did.