Tag Archive for Iron Man

Iron Man 3 In a 16-Bit World Has No Dialog

Normally people go with an 8-bit parody. Nope, full on 16-bit. ‘Cause it’s the 90s. I didn’t watch it all the way through because I actually haven’t seen Iron Man 3 yet. I need to fix that, but I don’t want to do it on a 5-minute video game parody. Like exploding-fire-guy or whoever that is. What is that? See, I need to see the movie.

The Most Unlikely Marvel Team Up Special

You knew as soon as Disney bought Marvel that something really stupid was going to happen. Like 4 of the most popular Marvel heroes appearing in a Disney cartoon TV show about super smart inventing kids. That’s Phineas and Ferb. I just… don’t care anymore. I’m pretty sure I switched to DC, but I can’t be sure. A couple more of these travesties and I’ll have to abandon ship.

Cars Moving At High Speeds Is Still Something We Need

Your box office results, from Box Office Mojo

1. Fast & Furious 6 – $96,791,000
I’m not going to say what the “twist” at the end is, but I feel like you’re really stretching to add significance to certain scenes in the franchise.

2. The Hangover Part III – $41,775,000
Come on guys, we really need more car racing in this thing! We’re never going to make it on top with nothing but giraffe decapitation.

3. Star Trek Into Darkness – $37,284,000
Spock is literally in the act of breaking the Prime Directive, but feels the need to lecture Kirk on the Prime Directive. Stopping an entire species from being killing is gonna alter their development just as much as letting them see a spaceship. But somehow you’re okay with the first one.

4. Epic – $33,500,000
Could have saved a bunch of cash and just rented Ferngully, folks.

5. Iron Man 3 – $19,213,000
It’s really nice that Robert Downey Jr is fighting to get his Avengers co-stars a raise. But I can’t help but think that if he just took a bit of a paycut maybe that would solve the problem. Like, just fifty million, instead of eighty? Then everyone else gets a quick six million dollar raise right then. Right?

Justin Timberlake Probably Shouldn’t Have Been Iron Man

Not that he was in the running at all. No, but visually we have a nice crossover mashup of Justin Timberlake’s Suit and Tie with Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man. Not a mashup you would normally jump to, but it’s nice. War Machine makes a nice Jay-Z as well. Sometimes you forget that Tony Stark is a millionaire playboy, but not now. Not with that black and white video and undone bowtie.

Iron Man 3 Succeeds, Despite That One Guy At Work’s Claim That “America’s Pretty Much Over Comic Movies”

Our Box Office Results, from Box Office Mojo

1. Iron Man 3 – $175,300,000
Despite your way too full of himself coworker’s dire predictions, apparently that super hero bubble hasn’t popped yet, with Iron Man 3 getting the second biggest opening weekend of all time, right behind another comic book movie. Still looking pretty good.

2. Pain and Gain – $7,600,000
Shit, Iron Man 3′s sold out? I guess we’ll go see that thing with The Rock.

3. 42 – $6,210,000
Look at all these sheep going to see Iron Man 3. You’d never catch me in a theater for a movie on opening weekend. I like to give the masses time to clear out. Case in point, it’s been about seventy years, so I think I’m probably safe learning about this Jackie Robinson character without having to deal with the unwashed masses.

4. Oblivion – $5,797,000
I hope Tom Cruise gets to see another Superbowl. He seems really interested in that.

5. The Croods – $4,225,000
How are you still in the top five? What sort of person is thinking “Let’s go see that Caveman movie!” at this point?

Thailand Makes Better No Budget Trailer for Iron Man 3

There are a lot of issues with this trailer that wouldn’t be a problem in America, like the lack of women and black people. This Thai boy band (yes, actually a boy band) looks like they are having lots of fun, especially flying around carrying sparklers and pretending to be Iron Men. They’re so frail and thin, it’s funny on a whole different level. Could use less painted naked Thai men.

Iron Man Explains That He Loves Pepper, So He Must Ignore Her

I know, it sounds confusing. But see it from Tony’s perspective. He loves Pepper, and he wants to protect her. But the only way he can do that is to build a veritable army of Iron Man suits. Then if he’s ever attacked by a crazy Russian again, he can pop on a dozen suits in a row, and then hop out of them one at a time, like a deadly robotic matryoshka doll. That’s guaranteed to throw any sort of Russian laser whip bad guy off his game.

So Tony will spend all his free time designing suits to protect Pepper. And if that means he had to spend hours each day in a multi-billion dollar man cave, playing with the best toys ever well, that’s just the sacrifice he’s going to make.

Iron Man Hits Some Folks With a Piano

There are no words that could improve this. Iron Man is in a tight situation, and he reacts by attacking with the most logical weapon at his disposal. A piano.

Basically, this movie needs to be out today. Like The Amazing Spider-Man and The Avengers before it, about a third of the movie has already been released online. There is a point when you might want to trust in your advertising, instead of just throwing the entire movie online. Leave us something to pay for.

You Got Iron Man in My Grand Theft Auto

Yes! More mods! Now you can play as a flying Iron Man in…whatever city this is. He’ll shoot missiles from the air. He probably won’t fly horizontally, but you really want him for the missiles he’ll be firing. You can also play as War Machine and, for even more giggles, Stan Lee. I hope he shoots missiles out of his hands.

Tony Stark Announces His Intention to Commit Murder on National TV

The morality of Iron Man’s actions has always been murky at best. Obviously what’s he’s doing is illegal, but when the only law force that really has a chance of stopping him spends most of their time trying to recruit him, he pretty much gets a free pass on that one. But the moral issues are a little sketchier. Sure, he’s killing a bunch of folks, but most of them are active combatants, in an actual war. Or they’re someone who’s actively attempting to kill him, and he’s defending himself. Would he be in a situation where he was forced to defend himself with lethal force if he wasn’t running around like a vigilante? Does the fact that they were basically lured into attacking him make the fact that they did attack him any less worthy of punishment? These are the tough philosophical questions.

But none of that really matters. Cause right here, Tony just told everyone he was going to murder a dude. Just basic revenge. He just announced to the world that if you attack a superhero, they can straight up ignore the law and kill you. That’s worrisome. That’s the sort of abuse of powers that turns folks against your crusade. That’s the sort of thing that leads to a Civil Warâ„¢. Maybe calm down a bit, Tony.