Shh. Don’t talk. Just behold the wonder that is Arrested Godfather. We all needed this. Just enjoy.
Tag Archive for Movies
There is literally nothing new to say about these giant robots at this point. Pacific Rim has giant robots. They are giant and robotic. And there’s only a month and a half left until the movie is released and you can stop seeing a new picture of them being giant and robotic every couple of days. For now, though… giant robots!
Fast and Furious 6
For the sixth time, cars go from one place to another place very quickly, while a bunch of folks jabber on about things to distract from the fact that these movies are all pretty much interchangeable.
It’s Ferngully. And seriously Ferngully, not “Oh, I went to see Avatar and it was just Ferngully because they both happen to feature trees! I’m hilarious!” No, this is “Human gets shrunk down and hangs out with fairies in a magical forest being intruded upon by invaders.” That’s Ferngully.
The Hangover: Part III
They wrote an original storyline this time, instead of just copying the first movie, and replacing “tiger” with “monkey.” It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for em.
I’ll be honest, I know pretty much nothing about Flashpoint. The Speed Force makes the timeline screwy, Batman is Bruce Wayne’s dad, and in the end we get the shitty New-52, right? So I’m not exactly on pins and needles for Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox. Flash has to fix the timeline by defeating Reverse Flash (?) which, despite sounding like the ravings of a mad man is apparently a story that DC decided they should allow to happen, not only once, but a second time, in movie form, now. So, that’s happening. But to make matters worse, Flash doesn’t seem to have his powers for… reasons. Probably timey-wimey reasons. But then later he does! So, problem solved! Then he fights evil-Flash, or possibly evil-Wonder Woman, or maybe Batman’s secretly evil? He’ll definitely fight some lamer versions of his friends. That’s a thing that’s going to happen. For sure.
Then, once the fight is over: New 52. Stretch out that fight as long as you can, Flash.
That title is going to generate some extra traffic I hope. That is indeed the reason I watched it. I will probably not watch the movie despite the inclusion of Jason Sudeikis and in spite of a grown up version of one of the kids from the third Narnia movie. Sorry near naked Jennifer Anniston, you just don’t spend enough of the movie almost naked.
So I saw Star Trek Into Darkness. I don’t know when Benedict Cumberbatch’s character would have had the opportunity to take a shower. This makes me think it’s not really a scene cut from the movie. But it is Benedict Cumberbatch taking a shower, so… what’s my point?
The last This is the End clip, Hermione said we were dealing with zombies
And I’m inclined to believe her, because she’s Hermione, and therefore never wrong (although it should be noted that the technical term is “Inferi”). But now I’m starting to have my doubts. Zombies never explained why chasms were appearing in James Franco’s front yard, and more there’s the Devil. And not some half assed devil like Pitch. The Devil. Also, Jonah Hill gets possessed. These are not standard zombie outbreak scenarios. Unless “Zombie Outbreak” is a much larger, catch all term that I’m not aware of, I don’t think Hermione’s theory checks out. Though I guess there’s nothing stopping the apocalypse from causing a zombie outbreak as a symptom of a larger thing. We could all be right. The rules don’t even apply anymore.
Also, James Franco’s tv lives in the floor. That’s awesome.
Don Jon Trailer – Begin the Internal Battle Between Love of JGL and Hatred of the Dude JGL is Playing
Watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt as he plays a caricature of caricatures of New Jersey residents. He’s a fantastic tool. As if you were able to take the cast of the Jersey Shore and distill them down to their worst parts. It’s impressive. He loves several stereotypical New Jersey things, like working out, Bros, women, and porn. But those last two come into conflict when it turns out the girl he wants hates porn. Now he’s got to choose between a beautiful woman (and not just any beautiful woman, but Black Widow) who, for some reason, wants to be with him, or porn. And somehow this is a conflict. Because he’s a fantastic D-Bag. Get over it. But, eventually, I guess, he learns to be a less terrible person, and maybe they fall in love for realizes? Hopefully.
Also, Tony Danza is around. Probably playing a character named Tony, right? No? Jon? Oh, boy, that must have been a confusing set. Hard enough to convince Tony Danza to respond to anything but “Tony.” But to name him Jon in a movie with another Jon? That’s not good thinking JGL. That blooper reel is probably longer than the movie.
Did you have trouble with the first The World’s End trailer? Was the movie’s complicated plot of “these guys go out drinking, then monsters show up” just going over your head? Well, then you’re in luck. Here’s yet another trailer for the same movie, but with an incredibly annoying narrator that will spoon feed you these difficult concepts in the same tone that that describe the high concepts in an Adam Sandler movie.
Still, a couple new things. The alien monsters are actually robots, though possibly still alien robots. So we don’t have to worry that they’re murdering an army of Pauls, which is nice. And this time around Nick Frost is the straight man? What a twist! Though there’s a ninety to ninety-five percent chance that all of his action adventure stuff happens after he drinks a pint of lager, like Popeye with his spinach. So I assume we’ll see him wasted at some point.
More specifically his mom in Only God Forgives is terrible. I’m sure his real mom is a perfectly nice lady. Probably. I don’t know. I’m just assuming. But pretend mom? Only God Forgives mom? She’s just awful. No wonder her kids grew up to be embroiled in the things that people get embroiled in when they’re in a Nicholas Refn movie. I only had to listen to her for a few minutes and I already kind of want to commit acts of incredible violence. This is just all kinds of uncomfortable.