Tag Archive for Movies

The Grand Budapest Hotel Poster Is Exactly As Wes Anderson-y As You’d Imagined

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You didn’t even know you were imagining it. But the moment you saw this poster for the latest Wes Anderson joint part of your mind said “Yeah, this is exactly what I’ve been expecting ever since I heard he was making another movie.”  It’s perfect.  Even though you have no idea what the movie’s about, you know this poster perfectly encapsulates it.  Cause somehow that’s how it works.

Hercules: The Legend Begins Trailer – No, Not That Hercules, the Other Hercules

Not to be confused with the Hercules starring Dwayne Johnson, this is the Hercules starring Twilight’s Kellan Lutz.  And what it loses in not starring The Rock, it makes up for in occasionally acknowledging that he’s the son of a god.

Occasionally.  They’re not going overboard with this.  Sure, the whole selling point of Hercules is that he’s the son of Zeus, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be make a big deal about it.  Mostly it’s just Spartacus with a bit of 300 and a lot of Troy jammed in there.  Herc’s in love with a princess, but she’s gonna marry another dude, so Hercules is sold as a slave (because, as part god, why would he fight back?) and then he has to gather an army (because, again, as part god, he really needs an army) to take back his princess.  Then, oh yeah, he’s part god, so he gets some super powers.  But mostly it’s just slow motion 300 fighting.  Cause that’s something we needed more of.

Floaty Bullocks Are Still Our Favorite, Despite Pirate Fighting Hanks

Our weekend box office results, from Box Office Mojo

1. Gravity – $44,265,000
Still coming in number one, even after Neil Degrasse Tyson explained that it wasn’t very scientifically accurate. Jerk.

2. Captain Phillips – $26,000,000
Representing a natural distrust for any pirate that isn’t a lovable rogue. I just wanna see them singing songs, and fighting supernatural monsters.

3. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 – $14,200,000
Something about puns? I dunno, this is still happening.

4. Machete Kills – $3,797,000
You really thought this deserved to make it into the top five? Enough people said “Yeah, we should go see Machete Kills” to make that happen? Sad.

5. Runner Runner – $3,725,000
Only upon release did someone point out that the only people who care about online poker are probably sitting at home and playing online poker, instead of watching movies.

Star Wars: Rebels Looks Uncomfortably Similar to The Clone Wars

It’s something you kind of had to expect. After all, most of the Star Wars: Rebels team is composed of Star Wars: The Clone Wars people. But still, there was that little glimmer of hope. A new show, a new executive producer, maybe there would be a new art style? But this video from the New York Comic-Con, premiering the first character design from the new show, pretty much says no. He’s called The Sith Inquisitor, and he looks exactly like every bad guy on The Clone Wars. Literally an entire galaxy of characters to choose from, and they said “We need another super white bald human-y type.” Why? Couldn’t it be anything else? A Sith Ortolan? Who doesn’t want to see that? A Sith… The Floaty Head guys from the Clone Planet? That would be fun, and they’d still be bald, which seems to be a deal breaker for some reason. Or a Sith Wookie? Lucas isn’t around anymore, we can break that stupid “No Wookie’s with Jedi Powers” rule. An evil wookie with access to the force? Who the hell doesn’t want to see that? But really, anything that isn’t just a male version of the bad guy from the last series would be nice.

And again with the crappy 3D. Really hoped when Greg Weisman was announced as Executive Producer they might fix that. But no. At some point we tricked the audience into believing that just because something was in CGI it was better, even if that CGI looks terrible. So that’s happening now. All the time. I just want some 2D animation. I don’t even care if humans do it. Computers can make that happen, now. Just, you know, do that. A Star Wars show, but animated in the same style as Spectacular Spider-Man or Young Justice? I would do such terrible things to make that a reality. Where’s that show?

Dear Mr. Watterson Trailer – Because Calvin and Hobbes is Pretty Great, Right?

Yup.  Super great.  Everyone agrees.  Which is kind of the problem.  If I just want to hear people tell me how great Calvin and Hobbes is for two hours, I could literally just walk down the street and ask people.  What’s the point?  What’s this documentary doing for me other than reinforcing my already established opinions?  Maybe there’s more to it, but if there is this trailer really should have told me some of that, instead of just showing variously famous people gushing about the comic pretty much everyone agrees is good.

Our New Releases – October 11, 2013

Machete Kills
Robert Rodriguez stretches a joke that was funny for about two minutes out to minute two hundred and fourteen. Maybe some really godawful cg is what we needed to make it funny again.

Captain Phillips
Jerk ass pirates remind us that pirates are actually kind of assholes, right before we’re all to pirate it up in Assassin’s Creed IV.

Romeo and Juliet
That awesome girl from True Grit and that guy from nothing you’ve ever heard of team up to rake in some of that sweet, sweet “Movie that gets played right before Christmas break in Ninth Grade English because no one’s going to learn anything today anyway” money.

Computer Chess Trailer – A Movie About Computer Chess

The computer chess market of the 70s (?) was as niche as it is today. As popular as chess was, we needed to constantly test against computers. I think they were doing that until the early 2000s. It’s been hitting film festivals and been getting a lot of praise. I like the concept here and I hope I’m able to remind myself to look for it when it makes it to places I can watch it. My dad’s into chess too, maybe I’ll watch with him.

American Hustle Trailer – Jeremy Renner’s Haircut!

There’s a lot going on here, with the seventies and the hustling and the silly clothes and the corruption and Christian Bale’s there and Jennifer Lawrence is in a number of low cut outfits and Bradley Cooper’s still around for… reasons.  But none if that matters, because look at Jeremy Renner’s haircut.  Just look at it.  It’s beautiful.

Archer Recreates Top Gun With a Danger Zone Music Video, Makes Your Day a Million Times Better

Lana!
Lana!
Lana!
WHAT?
Danger Zone.

Ron Burgundy Tries to Sell Me a Car

Not sure why Ron Burgundy, or Will Ferrell for that matter, is selling cars. And with several iterations on how you should by a Dodge Durango. This particular one has a staring contest with a horse. It more makes me want to buy a horse than a car.