Everyone’s favorite mobile game has a brand new update. Now you can use magical portals, I mean mirrors, to cause more creative destruction with your various birds. It looks cool, and is in no way taken from Portals, I mean Portal.
Tag Archive for Portal
Yes, the robot hits a monster with a boat. All other movies might as well pack it up and go home right now. No one’s beating that. Unless, what is that crab boat we keep seeing in the Man of Steel is foreshadowing a moment when Superman hits Zod with a crab boat? Okay, Man of Steel can stay, just based on that possibility. And Iron Man hits a dude with a piano, which is in the same vein, so Iron Man can stay. Everyone else out, come back when you’re hitting bad guys with giant things that shouldn’t be weapons.
And then, GLaDOS. I was informed that GLaDOS would be less GLaDOS-y than she was in the trailer. But yet in this footage she’s still pretty GLaDOS-y. Are they still considering this a preview? Or if this what she’s going to sound like in the final release? Cause that could be pretty dang distracting. Also, will she sing a song about giant robots fighting monsters in the credits? Because I could be down for that.
See, they say it’s a launch trailer, but that’s really only true if you’re playing the game on 360, where it launches today. On the PC you’ll get it on Friday, and PS3 you’ll have to wait until next week sometime. Who designed this release schedule? Claptrap? Maybe Max got free and started making distribution deals before they could lock him back up? No, it’s probably whoever was in charge of that Jurassic Park game. “Listen, that Jurassic Park game was shit. Just terrible. Still, we’re not going to fire you. But you can’t make games anymore. Instead, we’ll hand you schedule release dates. You can’t really screw anything up over the-Oh my god, you screwed everything up! How did you do that? I’m not even mad, that’s amazing!”
Anyway, the game will be available… eventually. Enjoy Brock Sampson’s really subtle tell in the meantime.
The rumors appear to be true. Despite the odd decision to announce a game on the same date that everyone else in the world is spending making up everything they can, this game would appear to be legitimate. Like the original Poker Night at the Inventory before it, you’ll be able to play poker with a bunch of random characters that say ridiculous things occasionally. This time Brock from Venture Brothers, Sam from Sam and Max, Claptrap from those dreams I have where I murder Claptrap, and Ash from Evil Dead, who’s inexplicably not voiced by Bruce Campbell. Because when choosing characters from pretty much anywhere it makes sense to choose one who’s iconic voice isn’t available, right?
Oh, and GLaDOS deals, because of course she does.
I’m not sure people were really clamoring for Gordon Freeman to show up at the end of Portal. Well, maybe some fan fiction writers, and even more erotic fan fiction writers, but that’s it. Nice interaction with the Companion Cube, though. How did he survive?
Some people say this looks like Portal meets The Office. I think it looks more like Portal meets Red Dwarf. Only in both cases, it won’t be nearly as endearing. I’m sure everyone is hoping for the best, but seriously. Nothing is going to be as good as your imagination on this one.
He’s already in charge of Star Trek and Star Wars, but apparently that’s still not enough, because he’s moving on to Half-Life/Portal. In a conversation with Gabe Newell they discussed their intention to collaborate on a movie about Half Life or Portal. Or maybe both? They do seem to share a universe, maybe the movie will be about something between the two.
That’s the best case scenario. An original story, set in the universe, with the writers from the original games. That might actually be good. If they try to just tell us Freeman or Chell’s stories again, that’s just going to be terrible. We don’t want to see what you think Gordon Freeman is like. We like our Gordon Freeman, the Gordon Freeman in our head is always going to be better than what you provide us. Don’t mess with him.
I don’t give two shits if basic physics state a multistory robot would be crushed under it’s own weight. The giant monsters found a way to get that tall, we’ll damn well find a way as well! And then we will punch those monsters. Just, so, so many times. Punch them and kick them and shoot at them with our glowing chests. Those monsters will not know what hit them! But we know. Giant robots.
Oh, and we’re running all these robots with an AI system that Aperture Science was kind enough to send over. I’m sure that will turn out well. Even if she is a little bossy. And keeps calling me fat.
Seriously, though, they didn’t even change that voice a little bit. “Do the… you know, do that one voice you do… again.”
Portal. Legos. Nothing more needs to be said.
It’s probably not faked, but it seems like it. Not sure how much real programming goes into calculator games, or how to download them, and I am even less sure how this even controls because the mouse was very important for Portal. I’ll just go back to Snake.