From the creator of Dirty Laundry, that Punisher short from last year that we all highly enjoyed, comes Truth in Journalism, another short, this time an inexplicably French documentary about a plucky young journalist named Eddie B, who’s trying to get his life back on track after some poor professional decisions and also cause of when he got a homicidal symbiote attached to him. It’s Venom. I mean, the short tries to slowly build up to that, as if anyone watching a short from the guy who made a short about Punisher hasn’t already figured out exactly who “Eddie B” is the moment they see his name. But it’s still a good slow burn, with several remarkably clever moments. And Sookie’s annoying brother is solid enough in the performance that I’m sure when Eddie Brock is being cast for The Amazing Spider-Man 3 or 4 or whatever we’ll have to endure a twitter campaign for him to get the role. And then an even larger twitter campaign when they inevitably ignore the first twitter campaign and cast whoever they feel like.
Side note: Why is is the Eighties? I mean, I know Venom comes from the Eighties, but still, it’s a little weird, right? Did we really need to make it a period piece on top of everything else? And that bit with Bullseye? I gotta admit, I miss Irish Bullseye.
No one was really expecting this to be awesome, right? I mean, first of all, it’s Electro. No one’s wetting their pants over Electro. The number of people who list Electro as their favorite Spider-Man villain is none. Literally no one has ever said “Oh boy, a new Electro fight!” The nicest thing anyone’s ever said about the character is “Well, at least he’s not The Vulture.” But there’s also the issue that this is a sequel to Amazing Spider-Man, a movie that managed to fuse together several awesome components, but yet still somehow output a final product that was just utter crap. Nothing about this was promising.
So it’s no surprise that this first look is kinda terrible. It’s just all kinds of bad. I’m sure there’s a human being on the planet that can look at that costume and not immediately associate it with Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze, but they are a better person than me. I’m already trying to come up with electric puns. “Spider-Man! I’m so charged up to finally meet you. This moment is absolutely electrifying!” It’s gonna happen.
Also weird, this first look comes to us as part of an advertisement for Hall H’s Amazing Spider-Man 2 panel. Is that a thing we need? Do we really think Hall H isn’t going to be completely packed from the time it opens until the last panel ends? It’s Hall H. The Solomon Kane panel was packed, and that movie took four years to come out. The Extract panel was packed, and I don’t know that there’s a human being on the planet who can tell you what Extract is if they weren’t in that panel. I don’t think we need to worry about Amazing Spider-Man 2.
Oh, yes. Puppets, Wolverine, and popular Broadway tunes all Hulk-smashed together. Even a dig at Spider-man the Musical. I saw a couple of songs each from Phantom of the Opera and Chicago. I didn’t notice Les Miserables, but that’s too obvious a joke, so I think they skipped it. No one would recognize it, but they could have thrown in an Australia song, from the movie Australia. Probably better they didn’t.
You knew as soon as Disney bought Marvel that something really stupid was going to happen. Like 4 of the most popular Marvel heroes appearing in a Disney cartoon TV show about super smart inventing kids. That’s Phineas and Ferb. I just… don’t care anymore. I’m pretty sure I switched to DC, but I can’t be sure. A couple more of these travesties and I’ll have to abandon ship.
I appreciate that you can’t tweet something as awesome as Jamie Foxx with a combover every day. But maybe if you’ve got nothing to show you could just not show anything. Don’t just tweet whatever happens to be laying around. Like this nonsense. “Well, it’s a Spider. And we thought, you know, cause it’s… Spider-Man?” Right. I get it. Spider-Man.
Amazing Spider-Man 2 director Marc Webb tweeted this first official image of Max Dillon yesterday, which would be great, except last week we saw the blue, Electro version of Max Dillon. Now the regular, hair thinning version isn’t impressive at all. All because you couldn’t keep your camera phones in your pocket. You just had to be the first to show the world was Electro looked like, didn’t you? Even though he was wearing a hood, and clearly didn’t want to be seen? Way to go. You probably ruined Marc Webb’s day. “In just a couple of days I get to post the first official photo of my vision for Max Dillon and-oh no! INTERNET!”
Well, lookie here. We’ve got pictures of Electro. He’s kinda white, well with the lights he looks blue. White-blue like electricity. Oh, I get it. The guy in the video keeps mentioning the Ulitmate version of Electro as opposed to the classic version with the star-shaped mask. What the video fails to do is SHOW A PICTURE OF ULTIMATE ELECTRO! Show the thing you are talking about!
Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Spider-Man, X-Men, Iron Man are all here. They should consider this instead of that shuffling black and white then red comic thing they have. I like this better if it is a bit long for a movie slug. I just like the circle ripping its shirt off Hulk-style I guess.
As for Chris Cooper, well, he’s no Wilem Dafoe, which is sad, but at least he’s not the monstrosity that was Norman Osborn on the nineties animated series. What is wrong with your hair, man?! Still, as great as Chris Cooper can be in movies like Adaptation or… basically anything that Chris Cooper is in, I don’t know if I can really imagine him as a Spider-Man villain. Dafoe was crazy enough that I could totally believe he could turn into a monster. Chris Cooper is more of a weird southern guy trying to cover up his awkwardly long face with a big green mask. I don’t see him hopping on a glider any time soon.
I don’t know who decided to make this, but it will haunt my nightmares. You have almost ruined Spider-Man for me, so long as he stays clothed. It’s not super NSFW, but you will still be glad I told you.