It’s something you kind of had to expect. After all, most of the Star Wars: Rebels team is composed of Star Wars: The Clone Wars people. But still, there was that little glimmer of hope. A new show, a new executive producer, maybe there would be a new art style? But this video from the New York Comic-Con, premiering the first character design from the new show, pretty much says no. He’s called The Sith Inquisitor, and he looks exactly like every bad guy on The Clone Wars. Literally an entire galaxy of characters to choose from, and they said “We need another super white bald human-y type.” Why? Couldn’t it be anything else? A Sith Ortolan? Who doesn’t want to see that? A Sith… The Floaty Head guys from the Clone Planet? That would be fun, and they’d still be bald, which seems to be a deal breaker for some reason. Or a Sith Wookie? Lucas isn’t around anymore, we can break that stupid “No Wookie’s with Jedi Powers” rule. An evil wookie with access to the force? Who the hell doesn’t want to see that? But really, anything that isn’t just a male version of the bad guy from the last series would be nice.
And again with the crappy 3D. Really hoped when Greg Weisman was announced as Executive Producer they might fix that. But no. At some point we tricked the audience into believing that just because something was in CGI it was better, even if that CGI looks terrible. So that’s happening now. All the time. I just want some 2D animation. I don’t even care if humans do it. Computers can make that happen, now. Just, you know, do that. A Star Wars show, but animated in the same style as Spectacular Spider-Man or Young Justice? I would do such terrible things to make that a reality. Where’s that show?
Wow. I can’t even begin to explain this one. Even people who enjoy Revenge of the Sith (which… how?) agree that Darth Vader’s ridiculous “Noooooooo!” at the end of that movie was an enormous embarrassment for everyone involved. So why exactly did Zen Studios choose that scene to spend, like, a third of their trailer for a Darth Vader table on? He could have been force choking Admiral Motti. He could have been sensing a presence he hadn’t felt since… He could be just looking at the Death Star and being sad. Anything is better than “Nooooo!”
I think this is what everyone really wanted when they heard there were space battles in The Old Republic. If they say dogfights, you should probably be moving on your own rather than on rails. This will definitely boost some subscribers, but you really got to wait until January, won’t be out until then. And then you’ll probably only get 3 per day. Their pricing structure is weird.
The space combat in The Old Republic isn’t great. Like many parts of the game it feels like part of a single player game that was uncomfortably forced into a multiplayer title. It’s just an on rails shooter that you do all on your own once a day for some free experience. It’s unclear why it’s even in the game, outside of it’s Star Wars, and not having space combat would be pretty much giving up.
Fortunately, they’re fixing it, maybe? This trailer seems to be very excited about the space combat, despite most of the footage of said combat looking pretty much exactly like the old stuff. Still, they claim it’ll be, you know, better. Less on rails, more dogfighting, and actual multiplayer, with up to twelve on twelve fights. That’s certainly better. Just any multiplayer in the space combat is better. So, move in the right direction, I guess. Too bad it had to happen even after I, a man who can tell you the name and backstory of pretty much any person on the screen at any given time in a Star Wars movie, have given up on the game. Still, someone’s probably gonna enjoy it.
Ugh. Listen, I know it’s a “Teaser” and you shouldn’t expect a whole actual trailer. But they’ve been talking about the thing since last week. I was expecting a bit more than the title with a terrible Disney XD narration over it. It’s just a commercial. If you were unaware of the existence of Star Wars: Rebels, you are now aware of the existence of Star Wars: Rebels. Well done, that audience is now better informed. The rest of us? The ones that already knew about Star Wars: Rebels? The ones that you know knew about Star Wars: Rebels, because you took the time to tell us about this teaser for Star Wars: Rebels? We didn’t need the teaser. We already knew.
Let us know when you’ve got some Greg Weisman-y character models in Star Wars clothing. Then maybe we’ll be interested.
Oh, and all you morons still bitching about how Star Wars is being aimed at kids? It’s fucking Star Wars! Who do you think it’s gonna be aimed at? It’s always been for kids! But look at it this way: everything else Greg Weisman’s made has been for kids, and all that turned out pretty well. Just hope he keeps doing that.
Everybody wants their own Death Star. Now that Disney is selling it’s Star Wars property willy-nilly, we can get that chance in addictive mobile game form. The makes of Tiny Tower are re-skinning the whole thing to bring you Tiny Death Star. I haven’t played the original, so I can’t comment on how good this will be. I can guarantee I’m going to try it out. Mostly because I want to figure out how they explain Yoda on the Death Star. That’s not a thing that happened.
Star Wars Starfighter table has arrived, and like all the other Star Wars Pinball tables it’s kind of just a pinball table with a bunch of Star Wars shit floating over it and screwing with you. There are Star Destroyers (possibly Stardestroyers? Check out the credits sometime) and Mon Calmari Cruisers, so that’s nice. And just a ton of Starfighters. Hence the name. Why are we even still talking about this? It’s dumb, but you’ll buy it, because it says “Star Wars” on it.
Not that JJ Abrams is likely to see this video, but can’t hurt to try. It’s basically saying do the opposite of what George Lucas did since 1997 or so. It’s not so hard. We just want new old Star Wars, right? That’s not hard OR an oxymoron. I think they’ve outlined pretty clearly what that means. Now you just need to pick the most interesting characters we don’t hate. No pressure.
Because pinball games just don’t include enough Endor, Zen Studios’ is here to solve that issue. Finally Pinball includes all the hover bikes and lightsaber battles and Ewoks that it’s always been missing. You’ll be able to do all the Endor Pinballing you want.
And yes, I know it’s not actually Endor, but the Forest Moon of Endor. But, well, close enough, right?
Star Wars Pinball is, at best, alright. It’s not great. It’s probably not worth playing if the fact that it starts with the words “Star Wars” hasn’t already sold you on the deal. But it’s okay. The Clone Wars table is decent, despite being about The Clone Wars. The Boba Fett table is largely forgettable, and the Empire Strikes Back table is almost worth the price of admission. Not a stunning review.
But it’s Star Wars, so we’re gonna milk it a bit more. With this new Balance of the Force set you’ll get a Darth Vader table, clearly better than Boba Fett because not only does he also have cool armor, but he actually accomplishes stuff during the movies. Then you get a Starfighter table, choose the Rebels or the Empire and fight for your side. But most importantly, a Return of the Jedi table, which is fantastic, because that’s the best Star Wars (don’t come at me with that Empire Strikes Back is the best movie bullshit, Return of the Jedi is where it’s at) and finally you’ll be able to get some Ewok pinball going. Destroy Jabba’s sail barge, get adopted by an Ewok tribe, and defeat the Emperor once and for all (spoiler alert). That’s so much better than avoiding space rocks and getting your hand cut off. So much better.