This is what happens. You think you’re really brave, letting the goofy guy from District 13 and the A-Team up into space. Then, before you know it, aliens. Probably. Something bad, lurking below the icy crust of Europa, possibly aliens, possibly… no, I can’t think of anything else, probably aliens, is eating our astronauts. And while I can’t explain how this is Sharlto Copley’s fault exactly, I know it is. In my gut. He’s to blame.
Tag Archive for Trailers
For one, there is no such thing as the Atlantic Rim. The Atlantic Ocean doesn’t form a rim of any kind. Second, all the effects are done in broad daylight, like they couldn’t afford to shoot at night. Third, the highest profile actor in the movie is Graham Greene. You know who I’m talking about. Better looking than Transmorphers at least.
In the past, I’ve been critical of this CG version of anime, because, well, it’s weird, and it’s uncomfortable to watch, and manages to avoid the positive attributes of either Anime or CG, while exaggerating the flaws. It’s bad.
But… well, maybe it was just done terribly in the past. Because this Space Pirate Captain Harlock trailer is hot shit. Everything looks beautiful. Even furry-appeasing sexy cat lady aliens are visually appealing. It utilizes the freedom of the CG while maintaining that hard to define “anime” quality. It’s basically precisely the opposite of the Starship Troopers anime, or that terrifying Dragon Age thing. This is precisely what everyone else who tried wanted it to be. So, yeah, new rule: From now on you are allowed to make CG/Anime, but only if you do it Space Pirate Captain Harlock or better. This is the bar.
Everything about this just seems off. I mean, I don’t mind a few little changes to an adaptation if it helps the story move along. I don’t even mind major changes to an adaptation if it makes the movie better. Hell, I know it makes me pretty much a heretic, but Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is one of my favorite Harry Potter movies, and that movie kind of knows what the plot of the book is, and not a lot else. So I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. But what’s going on here? These changes serve no purpose. How is Phil Bushey being an angry radio DJ going to help? That’s just a needless complication. Does he still cook meth? That’s all he really needs to do. Why can we see the damn dome? I realize that it’s TV, and it’s a visual medium, but the point is that the dome was invisible. Just a hazy force field is far less terrifying. And why do people keep running into it when you can see it? And why is Duke Perkins in so many scenes in this trailer? I mean, spoiler alert if you haven’t read the books, but he kind of leaves us fairly early on. And that’s kind of important. He can’t be around, or else everything falling apart makes less sense.
Maybe this all works. Maybe in context all these changes will work together, and it will tell a story just as good as the story that they’re not telling from the book. And if so, great, I’ll be happy. I hope that’s what happens. I’d love to be wrong about all of this.
But I doubt it.
Alright, there’s pretty much nothing new here. We’ve seen all of this, one place or another. But if you’re looking for scenes from Pacific Rim that you’ve already seen, edited together in a slightly different order, this is the trailer for you. Once again we will learn that the monsters came not from space, but the ocean, we will learn that to fight monsters we created monsters, we will learn that we’re canceling the apocalypse, and we’ll learn that Ron Perlman will wear wacky glasses. It’s kind of sad, really. In a busy summer release schedule they have to remind us about the movie, but with nothing new to show us it just comes off as desperate.
Everyone’s favorite mobile game has a brand new update. Now you can use magical portals, I mean mirrors, to cause more creative destruction with your various birds. It looks cool, and is in no way taken from Portals, I mean Portal.
Any other character, an encounter with ninjas might actually be something interesting. Cause they’re ninjas. But not Batman. You can try to get us excited for Arkham Origins with Batman fighting ninjas, but it’s not gonna accomplish much. For most folks the response is gonna be “Oh, Batman vs Ninjas? Yawn. Call me when he’s doing something we haven’t seen a million times already.” You’ve gone to the ninja well too many times. You dug too greedily, and too deep, and now ninjas are just nothing special. Just a step above street thugs. You’ve ruined ninjas, Batman. Way to go.
“Didn’t we just have an Assassin’s Creed IV trailer?” you might be asking yourself? And the answer is yes, yes we did. And you can expect a whole shit ton more over the next six months. If there’s one thing Ubisoft is not shy about, it’s inundating you with trailers. You will be just sick of Assassin’s Creed trailers until the game comes out. At which point they will announce the new one, and the cycle will begin anew.
But as for this trailer, not a lot to say. Dude doesn’t like rich folks, so he’s going to rob them, and then, I guess, rely on his copious spending habits to ensure that he doesn’t become the thing he hates most. “I’ve become modestly wealthy? We’ve got to solve this! Bring me all the ale and whores you can!” Yup, that’ll work for a while. Course, eventually the bars and whores will become rich on his excess, and he’ll have to rob them, but that’s a problem for another day.
As for the gameplay, there’s some ship sailing, some sword fighting, and you’ll wrestle with sharks, because anything that can make this series and Far Cry more similar can only be a good thing. I’m betting by the fifth Far Cry the game is just a first person Assassin’s Creed. Which is just as well, since this game doesn’t appear to want to have anything to do with Assassin’s Creed. Other than a couple shots of hidden blades, and a vague mention of a “secret society” in one of the early trailers, it’s pretty much been all pirates, all the time. Where are the assassins?
Chronicles of Riddick was a nice experiment, but most folks will tell you that they prefer Riddick in an Alien-esque space monster horror movie over a swords and sorcery epic in space. What most of those people won’t tell you is that they would never have heard of Pitch Black if it wasn’t for Chronicles of Riddick, but no matter. The people have spoken, and they want Riddick fighting space monsters on a deserted planet in the dark, and also there are some bounty hunters around. So you’re getting that again. The fantastic quasi-magical sci-fi universe imagined for Chronicles of Riddick will be almost entirely ignored in exchange for “Riddick fights a snake-y looking thing in the dark.” Whoo.
Road Not Taken is a new puzzle game type thing from the Triple Town team (you can tell because it’s got that Triple Town Bear) that also has some Robert Frost influence, because why not, right? I often play video games thinking how much more I’d enjoy them if they were based on dry poetry from half a century ago.
Well, whatever, if you told me I’d love an RPG based on Chopin’s piano playing I would have said you were crazy, until that happened, and it was awesome. So, I guess, open mind.